Bilgi - Zor çocuklarla dialog (Ing.)

12 başlıkta çocukların yapmasını istemediğiniz şeyleri anlatma ve çocuklarla dialog yöntemleri

· Observe and remain calm.

· Understand that there is a reason for the behavior.

· Try to figure out that reason.

· If possible, lead the child gently to a place where you can both calmly sit and talk together, eye to eye. If there are other people around it is a good idea to take the child aside for a private conversation. This will make things flow more smoothly and it will communicate to the child that you care.

· Help the child to identify his/her own feelings and reason behind their behavior. Ask questions calmly such as, "Tell me how your are feeling." Have compassion and understanding. By doing this, you are not giving up power. You are not "coddling." You are in a position of strength that the child will recognize because of the fact that you are in control of your emotions.

· Empathize with their feelings. Tell them that you understand how that feels and that you feel that way sometimes too. Let them know that it is ok to have these feelings and it is very good to identify how they are feeling and to express it in words.

· Teach them how to handle those kinds of feelings in a positive way. This is the hard part. If your child is not used to this, it might be difficult at first. Explain what behaviors are OK for letting off steam such as crying,talking about feelings, safe physical outlets such as walking, jumping, etc.

· Teach them the difference between crying out of frustration and crying to get something. Teach them to ask for things politely and how to handle when they don't get something that they want. For instance, "Joey, sometimes we can't have some things that we want. We all feel disappointed when that happens. It's important to first of all be grateful for all the good things that you do have such as our home, our family, our health, and the things that we love (toys). There are many who don't have the things that you have.

· Now with regards to the thing that you want, perhaps there is a compromise or alternative or way to not feel bad about that. Let's think about that together." Then ask the child questions to get them come up with their own solutions. You may need to work on it, but have patience.

· If, after talking things out, the child still wants to force themselves to cry or be upset, remind them that once you've talked things out that they need to begin to make an effort to move forward with feeling better. If they need more time, which is sometimes reasonable, then offer to let them take a break, rest, or nap before continuing on with the day. You could offer a hug. Another thing that works well is to try to get them laughing. I call it getting the "happy juice flowing." When we laugh we instantly create chemicals inside our body that make it hard to be sad. So try that. It works.

· For tantrums that are difficult to overcome sometimes you'll need to calmly explain a consequence that will occur if they continue to be disruptive. I suggest only using this when the child is clearly being uncooperative and you've made an attempt to help them through the emotion. Make the consequence something that will have impact, has a time boundary, and that you will follow through on. For instance taking away a privilege or a toy for a day. This can often nip things in the bud. If not, follow through with the consequence and when the child has calmed down go back to calmly discussing and guiding the child to understand what happened, how they felt, and how they can handle it better in the future. Having them come up with some of the answers themselves will make things cement better. Tell them a story about how you experienced something similar before. Let them know that you have faith in them that they will do better next time. Let them know you love and support them.

· And in the future when they do handle their emotions better, give lots of praise. Tell them how proud you are of their actions.