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Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, how confident you are, how accomplished you feel. It reflects whether a person loves, accepts, and believes in who they are. For some of us, however, it can go up and down. One day you might feel really on top of everything, great about yourself, unafraid to try anything. And the next day, you’re just as likely to feel completely at the bottom, unsure of yourself, afraid to say or do anything.

Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop overnight. And this isn’t necessarily easy. Yet, every single person has the capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a commitment to increase your self-esteem?

If your answer is yes, here are some tips to get you started:

1. Stop comparing yourself with other people.

Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But if you play the comparison game, you’ll run into too many “opponents” you can’t defeat. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. So stop comparing!

2. Stop the critic inside of you.

Some people have a bad habit of putting themselves down often. They say negative things to themselves like, “I’m always late. Why am I such a flake?” or “There you go again, stupid!” So get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic. And if this is unavoidable, at least tone down the level of your criticism.

3. Forgive and forget.

Do not waste your time and energy thinking of past hurts. Your time can be wisely spent for other productive things rather than forlorn thoughts. We make mistakes, even when we’re trying our best. Sometimes you just have to apologize, let it go and move on.

4. Associate with positive, supportive people.

The “real you” is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. So keep your interest in life at a high level by being in the company of enthusiastic people. This way, you will get infected by their positive attitude. You will view the world in its full shining glory and move around oozing with energy. In the same manner, it would be wise to stay away from negatively inclined thinkers. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered.

5. Get involved in work and activities you love.

It’s hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you hate. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. And even if you’re not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies or activities.

6. Be true to yourself.

Live your own life - not the life someone decided is best for you. You will never gain your own respect and you will never feel good about yourself if you aren’t leading the life you want to lead. So if you’re still making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren’t being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.

7. Talk affirmatively to others and yourself.

Words carry enough power that can either hurt other people or yourself. Similarly, words can generate enough power to give warmth and comfort. So be conscious of your choice of words. Choose affirmative words when speaking with someone.

8. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past.

Many things in our lives are only minimally in our control, but those of us who develop low self-esteem take the full blame for the resulting negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honor your efforts and give proper credit for things that you have done well. Following a practical approach for managing your self-esteem will prevent it from becoming a problem and keep you off that rollercoaster.

9. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs.

Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off successfully. These breakthroughs can generate an authentic source of never-ending pride in you. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.

10. Make a list of your positive qualities.

Not everyone has your unique abilities and talents. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it’s important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn’t working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you’ll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.

11. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses.

You can’t develop high self-esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Remember that there is always a positive in every negative if you look hard enough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, but the flipside is that you’re also persistent and dependable.

12. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths.

Sometimes you have to take a new inventory on what you like about your looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, and character strengths. Don’t sell yourself short. It isn’t wrong or egotistical to praise ourselves.

13. Ignore yourself.

Sometimes the real problem isn’t self-esteem at all but a tendency toward overthinking. When you get this feeling direct your focus to other things. Give it a rest already!

14. Examine your needs.

Some of us need more praise from others than other people do. Some people need to always be accomplishing something, or they feel let down. In other words, it could very well be that you’re ok, but you’re just in a slower activity period right now, so it feels like you feel bad, when you really don’t. Relax, and take it easy!

15. Accept all compliments with “Thank You.”

Don’t dismiss or ignore them. When you do this you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which by the way reflects low self-esteem. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You.

16. Start giving more.

You must give more of yourself to those around you. Because when you do things for someone else, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which in turn lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem. So next time you see a downcast or downtrodden individual, pick him up from the rut. Share with him the warmth of your helping hand and watch the glow in his eyes.

17. Be your own cheerleader.

The energy and enthusiasm of a cheerleader is necessary in order to make the radical emotional changes required to raise your self-esteem. Learn how to enjoy a few minutes of self-congratulations instead of jumping right into the next task as if nothing happened, or dismissing it as meaningless. It does mean something. Being your own cheerleader isn’t silly, it’s smart and contagious.

18. Start small and do a task you can accomplish easily.

There’s no faster way to build self-esteem than to add yet another accomplishment to your roster. It always feels good to get something crossed off our to-do list. And it doesn’t necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments.

19. Examine the pattern of highs and lows.

Perhaps you’re just in a “praise starvation” mode - it’s been too long since you got a compliment or got to do anything that someone noticed. Or perhaps you started the downward spiral when you said some bad things to someone. It’s always good to remember that self-esteem is a mental construct. So examine your patterns and you’ll know what to do.

20. Get some exercise.

Exercise can decrease ‘stress hormones’ like cortisol, and increase endorphins, your body’s ‘feel-good’ chemicals, giving your mood a natural boost. If you’ve been focusing on one type of exercise, vary that routine and try a different type. If you don’t exercise, go for a walk. Even the change of scenery will do you good. It also forces your perspective to change a little, and you may see yourself in a better light. Also physical activity itself can take your mind off of your problems and either redirect it on the activity at hand or get you into a zen-like state.

21. Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem.

Whatever material we allow to dominate our mind will eventually take root and affect our own behavior. For example, if you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. On the other hand, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.

22. Take action!

The universe rewards action! When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you’ll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

Consider these simple tips and try them. These activities will never fail to boost your self-esteem. And as your self-esteem grows, the “real you” emerges. You begin to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren’t as concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world. Most importantly, high self esteem will bring you peace of mind - and next time you’re all alone, you’ll truly appreciate the person you’re with - YOURSELF.

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The basics of freezing

No matter what type of food you’re freezing, there are several basic guidelines that will make your life easier, and help you get the best results. These are :

Freezing can retain quality, but not increase it. Begin with good quality food.

Try to prevent air coming in contact with the food, and moisture from escaping. Both of these will dry things out, and can ‘burn‘ them in many cases.

Freeze foods as quickly as possible. This will minimise the size of ice crystals that will form, limiting the damage to the food when thawed.

Foods should be slightly undercooked when frozen if they are to be reheated when thawed.

Only put as much food in the freezer as will freeze within the next 24 hours or so (usually about 2-3lb per cubic foot).

Rather than freezing spices, add them just prior to serving a meal. They can change colour and flavour when frozen.

Label things so you know when they were frozen, and when to take them out.

How to freeze vegetables

Most vegetables freeze quite well (they’ll happily stay frozen for several months). Where possible, use the youngest and most tender of those available.

Here’s what’s involved :

Preparation

Clean the vegetables to remove as much dirt as possible.

Trim them, removing any unwanted stalks and leaves.

Cut them into bite-size portions.

Blanching

Many vegetables contain a number of enzymes which cause them to lose their colour and flavour when frozen. Blanching (putting the vegetables briefly in boiling water) stops these enzymes from acting.

To blanch the vegetables, set up a pan of boiling water beside a bowl of ice water. Using a slotted spoon, put a small handful of vegetables into the boiling water for a couple of minutes*, then transfer it to the ice water (to stop it cooking). Pat it dry, and put it aside. Repeat with the rest.

* times vary, so here are the recommended blanching times for a number of common vegetables :Vegetable Blanching time

Asparagus Wash, sort by size. Snap off tough ends. Blanch for 2-3 min.

Beans Wash. Trim ends. Cut if desired.Blanch for 2-3 min.

Beetroot Wash. Remove tops, leaving about an inch. Cook until tender (25–30 min for small beets; 45-50 for large ones). Cool promptly, peel, trim tap root and stem. Cut into slices or cubes. Pack into freezer containers.

Broccoli Wash. Trim leaves. Cut into pieces. Blanch for 3 min.

Brussels sprouts Wash. Remove outer leaves. Blanch for 4-5 min.

Cabbage Wash. Discard course outer leaves. If shredded, blanch for about 1.5 min. For wedges, blanch for 3-4 min.

Carrots Wash, peel and trim. Cut if desired. Blanch for 2 min (small carrots) - 5 min (large ones).

Cauliflower Discard leaves and stem, wash. Break into

flowerets or leave small heads whole. Add 1 tbsp vinegar to water, and blanch for 6 min.

Corn on the cob Remove husks and silks. Trim ends. Blanch medium-sized ears for 8 min. Wrap ears individually in plastic wrap or freezer bags.

Eggplant Wash, peel, slice 1/3 inch thick. Blanch for 4 min in water containing a tablespoon of citric acid or lemon juice.

Herbs Wash. Snip or leave on stalks. For basil only, blanch for a minute. For other herbs,

blanching is not necessary. Freeze in a single layer on trays or baking sheets.

Mushrooms Wipe with damp paper towel. Trim. May be frozen without blanching.

Once all the vegetables have been blanched and cooled, pack them straight into containers or bags. Alternatively, lay them out on baking sheets / trays and freeze them like this (put them into containers or bags later - they’ll fit better, and can be easily broken up).

How long will they last?

Frozen vegetables will generally last for 3-6 months.

Cooking with frozen vegetables

Frozen vegetables can generally be cooked when still frozen (no defrosting required), although some leafy greens are easier to separate when thawed a little.

To boil them, use about 1/2 cup of water for every 2 cups of vegetables (the rest is already in the ice). Steaming and microwaving are also good options.

How to freeze fruit

When it comes to freezing fruit, different types are treated in different ways. Before we get into specifics, here are a few general guidelines :

Berries do well when frozen straight after harvesting. Apples, plums and peaches may need to wait a few days before hitting the freezer.

Small whole fruits (such as cherries) can be frozen on trays for later use in salads, drinks and garnishes.

Most fruits can be happily frozen for 8-12 months. Citrus fruits and juices should only be kept 4-6 months.

The general process for freezing fruit is to clean, trim and slice it; place it on trays or hard containers, and cover it with a mild syrup to prevent it from going brown. The specific steps for a number of common fruits are listed below, but first : the anti-browning syrup.

Preventing the fruit from going brown

If the fruit is likely to darken when frozen (see table below), simply cover the pieces with ascorbic acid or citrus juice (in the case of firm fruits, they can even be steamed). To do this :

Ascorbic acid : this can usually be purchased from pharmacies or supermarkets. If you’re unable to find any, just crush up a couple of Vitamin C tablets and add a little water.

Citrus juice : although this isn’t quite as effective as the ascorbic acid, it definitely helps. Add a few tablespoons of juice to a quart of cold water, and soak the fruit pieces in it for a minute or two. Afterwards, pat them dry, put them in the containers and cover them with sugar, syrup, water or fruit juice.

Packing

Prior to freezing, the fruit is ‘packed‘ or placed into containers and covered with acid, syrup, water, fruit juice or sugar. This prevents the fruit from losing quality whilst frozen - when thawed it should be identical to a freshly picked piece.

Common methods of packing include :

Syrup pack : a 30% syrup (a third sugar, the rest water) is recommended for most fruits (very sour fruits may need a little more sugar). When the syrup is cold, pour about 1/2 cup into the container. Add the fruit, and then cover with the syrup. Make sure to leave a bit of space at the top of the container (it’ll expand slightly).

Sugar pack : sprinkle a little sugar over the fruit, and mix gently with a large spoon. The sugar will help to draw the excess juice out of the fruit.

Once again, make sure there’s a bit of room at the top of the container.

Unsweetened pack : use water (with ascorbic acid if necessary) to cover the fruit. Allow some headspace for expansion.

Tray pack : spread small, whole fruits out in single layers on trays or baking sheets. Once frozen, repack them into bags or containers and put back in the freezer.

As they’re already frozen, there’s no need to allow for expansion in the containers.

The process itself

Details of the process for common fruits are :Fruit Preparation

Apples Wash, peel, core, and cut into pie slices. Cover with ascorbic acid.

Apricots, Peaches and Nectarines Wash in cold water and sort. Dip apricots or nectarines in boiling water until skins loosen, about 15 to 20 seconds. Chill, peel, halve and remove stones. Pack with syrup (above).

Bananas Peel and mash thoroughly. Add 1/2 teaspoon ascorbic acid or lemon juice per cup of mashed banana. Package, seal, and freeze.

Berries Wash and sort. Pack in syrup.

Cherries Wash, sort, stem, and pit. Pack in syrup; add ½ teaspoon ascorbic acid.

Citrus Fruit Wash, peel, section or slice fruit. Add ¼ teaspoon ascorbic acid to some sugar, and sprinkle over each layer. Let stand in refrigerator until fruit forms its own juice. Stir gently, and freeze.

Cranberries Wash, sort and pack without sugar.

Currants (use large varieties where possible) Wash in cold water and sort. Pack in sugar using 1 cup sugar to 8-9 cups fruit. For cooking, pack dry without sugar.

Gooseberries Wash and sort. Pack without sugar or syrup or mix berries and sugar called for in pie recipe.

Melons Wash. Cut flesh into ½- to ¾-inch cubes or balls. Cover with sugar syrup, using 2 cups sugar to 1 quart water. Serve partially frozen.

Pineapple Peel and core. Dice, slice or cut into wedges. Cover with syrup.

Rhubarb Remove leaves and woody ends, wash and cut in 1-inch lengths. Do not blanch. Pack with sugar.

Strawberries Wash, sort and stem. Pack whole, sliced, or crushed berries in a light syrup.

Tomatoes Cook completely (boil) prior to freezing.

How to freeze nuts

Most nuts (whether whole or chopped, shells or not) freeze quite well. To do this, simply double-bag them in freezer bags; and pop them in the freezer.

They’ll keep for around 6 months.

Do the nuts need to be defrosted prior to use?

This varies according to the way you intend to use them. For dishes that are going to be heated in any case (such as stir fries), using them frozen is fine.

If you’re going to eat them as they are (say you’re sprinkling them on ice-cream), thaw them a little first. They’ll taste better.

How to freeze meats

Whilst the frozen vegetables, fruit and nuts are all great to have; for most people the core of their freezer use centres around meat. After all, this is where the big financial savings come in (more on that in part II).

Although freezing meat is a fairly straightforward process, there are a few things to keep in mind :

Freezing meat doesn’t magically reverse spoiling. Make sure the meat is fresh to begin with.

If you’ve ever tried to separate a couple of pieces of frozen meat, you’ll know just how frustrating it can be. If you’re putting two or more pieces in the same bag or container, place a couple of sheets of freezer paper between them.

Game meats should be dressed and cleaned as soon as possible after shooting. There is no need to stuff them before freezing.

Label things with the date by which they should be used.

The general process

To freeze meat, simply :

Trim fat and remove unnecessary bones

Cut into meal-sized portions

Place into freezer bags, plastic containers or wrap in foil or freezer paper (make sure to separate pieces with paper or foil)

Place in the freezer for desired time (maximum storage times listed below)

Nice and simple.

How long will it last?

Meats vary a little; depending on type, whether they’re cooked or not and the amount of liquid in them. Here are a few suggested times :Type Time

Large cuts of meat (such as steaks) 6-12 months

Ground or minced meat 3 months

Cooked meats 1-2 months

Bacon and cured hams 1 month

Hotdogs, lunchmeats and shaved meats 1-2 weeks

NB : For meats bought at the supermarket, they’re probably already packed in some form. Before freezing them, cut them to size (one piece per meal) and repack them. This will get rid of the excess gases and fluids which were present when purchased.

Freezing Seafood

Seafood can certainly be frozen, and fresh seafood freezes well. A few points to keep in mind :

Freeze the seafood as soon as possible after it’s caught

Whole fish should be gutted and cleaned

Once frozen, take out of the freezer, dip in water and put back in (this forms a protective coating)

Smoked fish tastes slightly salty after freezing

Freeze small fish whole, and cut larger fish into steaks prior to freezing

All varieties of seafood can be frozen (for specifics, see the table below)

Freezing seafood other than fish

There are many, many varieties of seafood available - and several ways to freeze it. The following table lists the process for several common items.Food Process

Lobster Cook in salted, boiling water for 8-10 min. Place in bags or containers, and cover with brine. Freeze.

To use, boil for another 8-10 minutes (from frozen).

Scallops Rinse well to remove sand and shell. Drain, place in bags or containers and cover with brine; freeze.

Clams and Mussels Rinse well. Steam until opened, and remove shells. Cover with brine and freeze.

Prawns The shells can be left on. Simply put them in containers, cover with water and pop them in the freezer.

Squid and Octopus Freezing actually tenderises the meat. Clean and gut them, place in an airtight bag and throw them in.

Oysters Rinse well. Shuck, cover with their own liquid and freeze.

NB : Oysters can also be frozen invidually (in their own liquid) in ice-cube trays.

How long does it last?

Most fish will last for a few months or more. Here’s the breakdown :Food Time

Oily fish Up to 3 months

Smoked fish Up to 3 months

Other fish Up to 6 months

Oysters Up to 6 months

Prawns Up to 3 months

Squid and Octopus Up to 3 months

Freezing Pastries

Most pastries freeze extremely well (my own freezer is generally filled with them). A few things to keep in mind :

Custard and cream don’t freeze terribly well (they both soak into the base). If you’re planning to add some, wait until you’re ready to eat it.

Meringue toppings tend to toughen during freezing. As with the cream, add it just before serving.

Sheets of pastry are notoriously difficult to separate when frozen. Make sure there’s a sheet of freezer paper between each one.

Overall, it’s a straightforward process. Place individual items in bags or plastic containers; and stack sheets with freezer paper between each.

Both cooked and uncooked pastry can be frozen.

How long does it last?

Pastry generally keeps well. A few approximate times :Food Time

Baked pastries with fruit fillings 3-4 months

Baked pastry (plain) 2-3 months

Unbaked pastry 6-8 weeks

Pumpkin pie 4-5 weeks

What not to freeze

Foods that do not freeze well include :

mayonnaise

cream puddings and fillings

custard

gelatin salads

cheese

the whites of hard-cooked eggs and uncooked egg yolks

gravies made with wheat flour

spices

Final thoughts on freezing food

Freezing food can be a great way to save money, make sure your favourites are available all year and cut down on food waste. Leftovers are often ready for re-use in another form.

As far as food safety is concerned, freezing food - for any length of time - is safe to eat. The various ‘best before‘ times noted above simply refer to the flavours and appearance of the food.

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Bilgi - Üzgün oldugunuzu söylemenin yolu (İng.)

How to Say You're Sorry

1. Space. Give yourself some space and time from the situation. Wait until some of that hot emotion, whether anger or shame, has cooled a bit. When you've cooled a bit, try to think about things from an outsider's perspective. Maybe others share some blame, maybe circumstances made things difficult, but ultimately take a look at your part. What could you have done better?

2. Listen. There's a quiet calm voice in your head that is telling what the right thing to do is. You can even hear it while another voice is raging. You know what I'm talking about. Here's how it might sound:

"You know you exploded on that person because you're frustrated about something else."

"I don't care! I'm so angry I could bust!"

"You know that wasn't right. You wouldn't want to be treated that way either."

"But I'm sooo angry. And now I made such a fool of myself. This is a big unfixable mess now!"

"You can fix it. When you're ready, say you're sorry. You can do it."

"You're right little voice. Arg. Why won't you just go away!"

"Because you know you'll feel better if you do the right thing and apologize."

So listen to that little voice. As your emotion cools you'll be able to say sorry.

3. Say It. Here's the simple part. When you're ready, just humble yourself and say you're sorry. Don't wait until you feel really good about it because that never happens. It's kind of like jumping into a cold pool. You just have to jump in. At first the water is cold, but then you get used to it and you're glad you did it. Why don't we say sorry when we should? Because it smarts. It feels like you're admitting failure. Instead take the "learning experience" approach. You're apologizing and learning.

4. Make It a Habit. The more you train yourself to swallow your pride, be vulnerable, and give a genuine apology when appropriate, the easier it will get. Just do it!

5. Learn. While you're at it, try to examine whether you see some patterns in your life that you need to apologize for over and over. See if you can figure out a way to fail-proof that from happening again in the future.

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Link - Ilk ucaklar ve fotograflari

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Bilgi - Popüler olmak için yapmaniz gereken 7 sey (Ing.)

7 Secrets of Being Popular

Why are some people effortlessly popular and well liked? By contrast, other people, no matter how hard they try, never seem to be able to gain the same trust and respect. Even if we may not like to admit it, most people secretly crave the respect and admiration of other people. These are some factors which can lead to a natural popularity.

1. Don’t Try to Be Popular.

It is a mistake to try and become popular. When we seek to impress others and please them, it inevitably encourages us to offer false flattery and think about what they want us to do and say. When we behave like this our ego comes to the fore, and we hide our real self. This kind of behaviour may temporarily impress some people, but, in the long term it is not sustainable. We have to base friendship on being our natural self, and avoid extravagant attempts to rise in other people’s esteem.

2. Think of Others more than you think of your self.

People appreciate those who are considerate of others. If you only talk about yourself and your achievements, people will merely start to try and avoid you. We naturally respect people who are willing to spend time listening to others. This means offering goodwill to everyone, not just a select few who have a high social standing.

3. Be Your self.

It is a strain pretending to be someone you are not. When we seek to please others expectations there is an insincerity in our thought and actions, - people can soon see through this. If we learn to be content with who we are, we allow our natural spontaneity to come to the fore, this is what will naturally attract other people.

4. Have a big Heart.

Learn to be magnanimous in your dealings with other people, forget small mistakes, but appreciate the positive contributions that other people make. This is one of the most important factors in determining how people appreciate us. If we are always judging others with our critical mind, people will naturally feel slighted. If we go out of our way to appreciate the good qualities of others, then people will warm to our generous spirit.

5. Reduce Your Ego.

Do you seek to impress people, through appearing to be wise, and to drop names and important achievements into the conversation? When you magnify your ego, you only increase your popularity with yourself. If you can work without demand for outer recognition and praise, people will warm to your natural humility. Let actions speak louder words; if you do good things, there is no need to act as your own self publicist - you’re not a politician standing for an election. (It is interesting that politicians are very rarely popular, despite the fact they spend most of their lives trying their hardest to court popularity)

6. Humour

To gain popularity we need to be self depreciating and not take ourselves too seriously. Humour is one of the most significant attributes that people appreciate in others. It is said humour is one of the most important things women look in a man when choosing a relationship. This does not mean we have to be a stand up comic with a long list of jokes; in fact we should be careful of boring people with a long monologue of tired jokes.

7. Follow Your ideals quietly.

People look up to those who have a solid character with the attributes of honesty, kindness, strength and humility. But, at the same time these are ideals to be lived and not talked about. Quite often we see some people talking about how others should live a good life. Yet these proud moralists, may be better advised to concentrate on their own conduct before lecturing others. The secret of popularity here is to be honest and self giving without the necessity of correcting others. The most powerful way is to merely lead by example; if others follow, fine; if not that is fine as well.

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How to Give Kind Criticism, and Avoid Being Critical

Can you give someone criticism without hurting their feelings or making them angry? Can you do it kindly?

I think that’s a difficult proposition for most people, but in truth it’s possible to give criticism with kindness and have a decent chance of having the person take it constructively.

We’ll also look at why criticism is often the wrong approach to take: positive suggestions are even better.

Why We Give Criticism

· I think it’s important to step back and look at why people give criticism. There are a few common reasons (although there are many more possible reasons):

· To help someone improve. Sometimes criticism is actual honest feedback, meant to help the person we’re criticizing. We want to help them get better.

· To see a change that we would like. If we regularly read a magazine or blog, for example, there might be something that often bothers us that we’d like to see changed. Perhaps the person uses too many list headlines, or has too many spelling and grammatical errors. So criticism is meant to help get that change enacted.

· To further the discussion. Criticism can be a way to get a good, intelligent discussion about something going, to take it to a new level, to explore new areas of the discussion, to give an opposing viewpoint, to impart new knowledge.

· To hurt someone. Often we just don’t like someone, and want to get at them, attack them. Criticism in this case is destructive.

· To vent our frustrations. Sometimes we are just frustrated with something, or are having a bad day, and need to vent that negative anger.

· To boost our ego. Some people like to show how powerful or intelligent or knowledgeable they are, and use criticism as a way of doing that. They are puffing themselves up, challenging others, doing an Alpha Male thing.

Before you offer criticism, consider your reasons. If your reason is one of the first three, then this article is for you. If it’s one of the second three reasons, you won’t get anything out of this article. If that’s the case, I suggest you stop yourself and think long and hard about why you feel the need to do that.

Using criticism to help someone improve, to see a change affected, or to contribute to a discussion, are all good reasons for doing it. Now the question is, how to do it kindly, without attacking, so that your purposes are accomplished.

Why Criticism Hurts or Angers

People don’t often take criticism well, even if it’s done for good reasons (one of the first three reasons above, for example). But why? Why can’t they just simply see it as a way to improve?

· Well, there are many reasons, of course, but here are just a few:

· The criticism is mean-spirited. If you use insulting or degrading language, or put down the person in any way, they will focus on that, and not on the rest of the criticism.

· It focuses on the person. If you focus on the person (”You’re a lousy writer”) instead of their actions, you will make them angry or defensive or hurt.

· They assume you’re attacking them. Even if you focus on actions, many people take all criticism as an attack on themselves. No matter what your intention or language. They can’t take criticism in a detached, non-personal way. You can’t change that about them, other than pointing them to last week’s article (which will also probably be taken as an attack).

· They assume they’re right. Many people assume what they say or do is right, and that the criticism is wrong. They don’t like to hear that they’re wrong, whether it’s true or not.

Now, there are other reasons, but I wanted to point out a few of the most common. You cannot change some of these things about the person receiving the criticism. You can try, but your success rate probably won’t be very great.

However, you can change your actions — how you communicate the criticism. Or whether you criticize at all.

How to Deliver Criticism Kindly (and Not Criticize At All)

Looking at the above reasons that criticism isn’t taken well, the keys are:

· Don’t attack attack, insult, or be mean in any way

· Talk about actions or things, not the person.

· Don’t tell the person he’s wrong.

· Don’t criticize at all.

But … what about giving kind criticism? How do you help someone improve, see the changes you want, or contribute to a meaningful discussion?

By offering a specific, positive suggestion instead.

So instead of criticizing, which is rarely taken well, offer a specific, positive suggestion. Let’s take a look at the elements of this method, why it works, and how to do it:

· Suggestion, not criticism. As people sometimes will assume that you’re attacking them personally, no matter how nice your criticism and how much you focus on actions, a criticism is often not the way to go if you want 1) for them to improve; 2) to see actual change; or 3) to contribute to a meaningful discussion. Instead, suggest a change. A suggestion can be positive, it can be seen as helpful, it can be seen as an instrument for improvement and change. People often take suggestions well (but not always). So a suggestion is more useful than a criticism in many cases. Not always — sometimes it can be useful to give a nice criticism if someone is open to it. But in many cases, a suggestion is better.

· Positive. Much criticism is negative. That hurts the discussion, because things can take an ugly turn from there. It hurts the person receiving it, making it less likely that they’ll take it as a way to change. Instead, be positive: “I’d love it if …” or “I think you’d do a great job with …” or “One thing that could make this blog even better is …”. And don’t do it in a sarcastic way … be genuinely positive. This keeps the discussion positive, and people are more likely to receive it in a positive way.

· Specific. It’s easy to give vague criticism: “You’re a sucky writer,” “I can’t stand this blog,” or “You really should write better posts … this one is lame.” Anyone can do that. Being specific is more difficult: “I don’t like to see numbers in your headlines all the time,” “The first two paragraphs of your posts are long and rambling,” or “Your face is lumpy.” It’s harder still to make a specific, positive suggestion: “I’d love to see more images of kittens on Zen Habits,” or “Make my day and write a post about how to criticize your boss without him knowing you’re doing it,” or “I would appreciate fewer ads and more content.”

· Be kind. It’s important that you be gentle and kind in your suggestions. People have a hard time accepting any criticism, gentle or not, but if it’s harsh, it’ll almost always have bad consequences. Instead, ask yourself, “Would I like to hear that about myself?” And: “If so, what would be the nicest way to say it?”

· Relate to actions. Never criticize the person. Always criticize the actions. And when you’re making suggestions, make suggestions about actions, not about the person. Not: “Maybe you could become a less lumpy person?” Better: “I suggest you get face smoothener … it did wonders for me!”

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101 Common-Sense Rules for Leaders

Management is all about connecting with the people on your team. So how do you effectively manage a team? With common knowledge, of course. These are a few back-to-basics rules that will help you develop management skills that really matter.

Body Language

Like it or not, your body speaks volumes, even when you are silent. Here's how to express an attitude that's appropriate for a leader.

1. Stand tall. Keeping your shoulders back and holding yourself up to your full height will give you an air of confidence.

2. Take your hands out of your pockets. Putting your hands in your pockets is often seen as a sign that you have something to hide.

3. Stand with your arms crossed behind your back. This will help you adjust your posture, and it leaves your hands in a position that is open and not intimidating.

4. Make eye contact. Always look directly into the eyes of the people you are speaking with. This shows you're interested and also gives you a sense of confidence.

5. Sit up straight. Even if you're at an 8 a.m.meeting and feeling tired, it's important to sit up straight in your chair. Slouching makes you look disinterested and can give off an unwanted air of laziness.

6. Face the person you're talking to. This shows you are interested and engaged in the conversation.

7. Shake hands firmly. For many, a handshake is a reflection of the person you're shaking hands with. You don't want to come across as unsure or overbearing, so make sure yours is professional and confident.

8. Always smile. Smiles are contagious and will make others feel positive when you're around.

9. Look your best. You don't have to be model perfect every day, but you should dress appropriately and neatly. Clothes can have a big impact on the way you're perceived.

10. Walk confidently. Keep your head up and take even strides.

Meeting Deadlines

No one will be happy if your team has to rush around at the last minute to complete a project. Follow these tips to make deadlines less stressful for everyone.

11. Only promise what you can realistically deliver. Don't create deadlines that you know you can't meet. By only promising what you know you can do, you'll be able to finish on time.

12. Set clear goals. Once you know what you need to accomplish, it helps to know how and when you want to do it. Put your goals down on paper and make sure everyone on your team gets a copy.

13. Organize a team. Many of your employees will have unique strengths and training that can make them great assets to certain projects. Pick a team that has the right skills to carry out the job.

14. Delegate tasks. Spread work among your employees in a way that doesn't leave anyone overburdened while also allowing the project work smoothly.

15. Create milestones. Creating milestones for you and your team will help you keep track of your progress and also give you a sense of accomplishment as you reach each milestone.

16. Keep communication open. Keeping everyone in touch with the status of the project is key to making sure it's completed on time.

17. Do it right the first time. Planning ahead will help prevent you from delivering a substandard product. Having to redo something for a client costs money, and, more than likely, future business opportunities.

18. Stay organized. Staying organized will help keep you from wasting time chasing down important documents and information.

19. Make sure expectations are clear. Be sure that each member of your team knows what their specific responsibilities are. This will save time and prevent tasks from being overlooked.

20. Create a plan. Compile your goals and milestones into a comprehensive plan for attacking any project you are given. This way, you can make sure you're staying on schedule and that all of your employees will be clear about how and when things should be done.

Getting Along with Employees

A happy office is a productive one. Everyone will be more cheerful if you follow these simple rules.

21. Don't make your employees come in on days they're normally not scheduled to work or call them while they're on vacation. A surefire way to make employees resent you is to invade their personal time for nonpressing work. Unless you have something that absolutely has to be done, let time away from work stay that way.

22. Don't play favorites. Playing favorites can bias your judgment and impair your leadership abilities. Treat your employees equally.

23. Give credit when it's due. Don't take credit for your employees' ideas or hog their limelight. This action not only fosters resentment but also makes you seem untrustworthy.

24. Don't micromanage. While it's fine to keep up with what your employees are working on, don't constantly look over their shoulders.

25. Never discuss employee matters with their co-workers. This kind of gossip always gets back to the person and will make you look unprofessional.

26. Don't interfere with employees' work. If your employees are getting work done, don't stress about how it gets done. Even if it's not being done they way you'd do it, it's best to let employees use their best judgment.

27. Don't push unreasonable deadlines. You don't want to spend all of your time at the office, and neither do your employees.

28. Keep your promises. Barring some catastrophic event, you should always keep promises you make to employees, especially about pay and benefits.

29. Keep work about work. Don't require employees to run your personal errands. Take care of your own personal business or hire an assistant.

30. Reward hard work. Make sure your employees feel valued for the work that they do. Employees will be more willing to put in extra effort if they know it's noted and appreciated.

31. Provide motivation. Sometimes employees need a morale boost. Provide them with encouragement to get a project rolling.

Manage Yourself

Being a good manager isn't just about what you can encourage other people to do, it's also about managing your own performance.

32. Be accessible. Don't hole up in your office all day — come out and visit with your employees. Let them know that they can always come to you with problems and concerns.

33. Be open to constructive criticism. It may not always be what you want to hear, but listening to constructive criticism gives you the chance to learn and grow from your mistakes.

34. Accept responsibility. Part of being the boss is accepting responsibility for the mistakes of all that you manage, not just your own.

35. Know there's always room for improvement. No matter how good you think you are, your job can always be done better. Always be willing to learn.

36. Improve your skills. Learning is a lifelong process. You're never too old to take a class or ask a co-worker to help you improve your knowledge.

37. Explain things simply. Don't use big words or technical jargon just to sound smart and impress others. Your employees will understand and perform better if you explain simply and clearly what you need.

38. Instruct rather than order. You may be the boss, but you don't have to be bossy. You'll have more success if your requests are more tactfully delivered.

39. Include your staff in your plans. Don't make your work top secret; let your employees know what's going on and how they are expected to contribute.

40. Know your subordinates' jobs. You don't want to be caught with inferior job knowledge.

41. Be flexible. It's fine to be firm in what you expect, but allow for flexibility in how it gets done.

42. Get regular feedback. Your employees and superiors can give you valuable feedback on how to improve your performance. Use this to your advantage.

43. Know your limitations. You can't be everywhere doing everything all at once. Know the limits of your time and abilities and say no to things you know you can't do.

Boosting Productivity

Getting the most out of your day can be difficult with a busy schedule, but you can use these tips to help you maximize your time in order to be better available to employees.

44. Get the most out of meetings. Be organized and prepared for meetings to increase effectiveness and time savings.

45. Focus your energy on things that matter. Don't let trivial tasks take time away from things that are really important.

46. Identify your time-stealers. Everyone has little things that detract their attention and make them lose focus. Figure out what these are and work to eliminate them, if only for a few hours a day.

47. Be punctual. Being on time is a big deal. Never keep people waiting for appointments or meetings if you can help it.

48. Respond to your correspondence within a reasonable amount of time. You don't have to be chained to your inbox, but make sure you respond to emails within a few hours whenever possible.

49. Do only what is necessary. There are times when going above and beyond works, but doing so on a daily basis can derail your progress on more important issues. Get the key things done first, then see if you have time for additional things.

50. Stick to schedules and routines. While they may not be the most exciting things, schedules and routines can help streamline and improve your productivity.

51. Organize and manage your schedule. Use any tools and utilities you have at your disposal to prioritize your day and keep track of what you need to get done.

52. Plan more than you think you can do. While this may sound stressful, it can actually be a great motivator. If you manage to get everything done, you'll enjoy a great sense of achievement.

53. Get to work early on occasion. Sometimes an uninterrupted half hour in an unoccupied office can help you get key things done or allow you to plan your day before there are any distractions to slow you down.

54. Know that sometimes stress is good. While too much of anything, especially stress, can be bad, sometimes a little stress can be the motivation to get you moving, allowing you to get more done.

55. Do your least favorite tasks first. Get your most tedious and least desirable tasks out of the way earlier in the day. After that, everything else will be a breeze.

Managing Finances and Resources

Whether you're a business owner or a manager, staying on top of tangible items is vital to success. These tips can help you keep track.

56. Set up a realistic budget. While it's good to be optimistic, don't plan for more spending than you know you can afford. Make sure you plan for emergencies and contingencies as well.

57. Save costs where they matter the most. Don't just pinch pennies for the present. Make sure your savings will pay off in the long run. Compromising on quality might cost you later on in repairs and replacements.

58. Spend only when it's necessary. Don't spend if you don't need to. Every bit you save goes toward your profit.

59. Find alternative sources of finance. Sometimes even successful businesses need a little help. Business loans and investors can help you through leaner times.

60. Stay true to your contracts. Not only will you gain the respect of your clients, you'll also avoid legal battles that can be a serious financial drain.

61. Make sure employees are well compensated. Employees deserve to be rewarded for hard work. Make sure yours are well compensated for their time and they'll be more productive and happier to come to work.

62. Learn to do more with less. Quality is much more important than quantity, so make what you have count.

63. Assign equipment wisely. While it might be nice for every employee to have a PDA, budgets often don't allow for such conveniences. Make sure the employees that need tools the most have access to them.

64. Invest in solid technology. This doesn't always mean the latest technology, but what your office needs to do work effectively.

65. Update when necessary. Using obsolete equipment and programs can really slow you down. Update when it makes sense so you won't get left behind by competitors.

66. Don't be wasteful. Every sheet of paper, paper clip and pen is a cost on your budget. Use materials wisely and don't waste them out of haste or carelessness.

Communicating with Clients

Whether you're a business owner or a manager carrying out a project, one thing is always the same: The client is dominant voice in decision-making. Learn to communicate with them effectively and you'll set a good example for the people you supervise.

67. Remember that the customer is the boss. At the end of the day, your job is to make the customer happy. Act accordingly.

68. Differentiate your products. Don't get lost in a sea of products and services like yours. Make sure you stand out from your competitors.

69. Retain customers as much as you recruit new ones. While you always want to bring in new business, it's very important to maintain relationships with loyal customers.

70. Provide effective channels of communication. Make sure your clients can contact you easily and quickly if they have a problem, concern or question. They can also provide a valuable source of feedback.

71. Maintain customer data. Use this data to make your customers feel special by remembering occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. It's also helpful for keeping track of purchasing preferences.

72. Segment your customers. Not all customers are alike. Divide your customers into groups that allow you to provide attention and services that meet each customer's unique needs.

73. Provide effective after-sales services. Don't let contact fall off after the work is complete. Make sure your client stays happy.

74. Listen attentively. Pay attention to exactly what clients are asking for to help you better meet their needs.

75. Don't be afraid to say you don't know. It's OK not to know the answer to every question. It's better to say you don't know and get back to a customer than to try to bluff your way through a conversation and have to backtrack later.

Keep Up with Change

There is no way to stop the world from changing, so follow these tips to keep up and ahead of the game.

76. Don't fight change. You can't stop markets, trends and technology from changing, so learn to go with the flow.

77. Adopt a predictive managerial style. Don't wait for things to happen to make a move. Anticipate problems and provide contingency plans.

78. Test your contingency plans. Waiting for disaster to strike is a dangerous way to find out if your emergency plans will hold. Test them out from time to time to fine-tune them and make sure they're still relevant.

79. Identify the positives. Even the most negative changes can have positive aspects to them. Being able to identify and maximize them can help make adapting less painful.

80. Be quick to adapt. Learn to adapt to changing situations quickly and be able to change plans on the spur of the moment if the situation requires it.

81. Stay tuned to external factors. Your business is affected in many ways by outside factors. Keep abreast of these so you can anticipate any sudden market changes that would affect how you need to manage.

82. Put in place a Research and Development plan. Encourage innovation and creativity to stay ahead of the demand for newer and better products and services.

83. Keep an eye on the competition. Don't let the competition get the best of you. Keep up-to-date with what they're doing and use it to your advantage in managing your business.

Resolving Problems

Whether problems are internal or external, they can make your management duties a nightmare if you don't handle them correctly. Here's how to stay on top of them.

84. Stand up for employees. If other departments or managers are bearing down hard on your employees, stand up for them.

85. Fix what's broken. Don't waste time placing blame. Take care of fixing the problem before dealing with any possible repercussions.

86. Manage and control your emotions. Don't let anger or frustration affect your problem resolution. If you are emotionally invested in a situation, cool down before discussing it or bring in an outside mediator.

87. Learn when to step in. Some problems might resolve themselves if you just let them be, but you need to be aware of times where you'll need to step in and take control of a situation.

88. Take the blame. If you've made a mistake, fess up. It'll give you more time to work on fixing the problem instead of talking your way out of taking the rap.

89. Get the facts first. Before you pass judgment on a situation, make sure you have the whole story. Listen to employees and refrain from questioning anyone's integrity without first ensuring that you've gathered all the data.

90. Rise above the crisis. Learn to separate yourself from the problem and rise above the fray. You'll be able to think more clearly and make a better decision on how to rectify the issue.

91. Don't ignore problems. A small problem can easily snowball and become something much more difficult to fix.

92. Try to depersonalize problems. Let employees know that the problem isn't with them but with their actions. Don't make it personal.

Go Above and Beyond

Managing people isn't just about getting the job done. To truly be a great leader, sometimes you need to go above and beyond what the job calls for.

93. Lead by example. You can talk until you're blue in the face, but the best way to get a point across is to be the model to emulate. Let employees follow your lead.

94. Get your hands dirty. Sometimes you need to show your employees that no one's above doing unattractive tasks.

95. Make a difference to your employees. Don't just be a generic manager — stand out as a leader and role model for your employees.

96. Gain your employees' trust and respect. You'll have a much easier time managing employees when they respect your rules and boundaries and trust your leadership.

97. Be empathetic to personal problems. Whether it should or not, what happens outside of work can have a big affect on the quality of work produced. Be sensitive if employees have personal issues that keep them from concentrating on work.

98. Be unique as a manager. Every position demands something different and you should be proud to be adept at your particular role rather than trying to emulate other managers.

99. Remember that ethics matter above all. Be honest and reliable in all of your business and personal relationships.

100. Be on the lookout for new ideas. You never know where your next great inspiration will come from.

101. Get to know your employees. Learn more than just their names. Get to know your employees' family backgrounds, likes and dislikes. Doing so will make you more personable.