How to Say You're Sorry
1. Space. Give yourself some space and time from the situation. Wait until some of that hot emotion, whether anger or shame, has cooled a bit. When you've cooled a bit, try to think about things from an outsider's perspective. Maybe others share some blame, maybe circumstances made things difficult, but ultimately take a look at your part. What could you have done better?
2. Listen. There's a quiet calm voice in your head that is telling what the right thing to do is. You can even hear it while another voice is raging. You know what I'm talking about. Here's how it might sound:
"You know you exploded on that person because you're frustrated about something else."
"I don't care! I'm so angry I could bust!"
"You know that wasn't right. You wouldn't want to be treated that way either."
"But I'm sooo angry. And now I made such a fool of myself. This is a big unfixable mess now!"
"You can fix it. When you're ready, say you're sorry. You can do it."
"You're right little voice. Arg. Why won't you just go away!"
"Because you know you'll feel better if you do the right thing and apologize."
So listen to that little voice. As your emotion cools you'll be able to say sorry.
3. Say It. Here's the simple part. When you're ready, just humble yourself and say you're sorry. Don't wait until you feel really good about it because that never happens. It's kind of like jumping into a cold pool. You just have to jump in. At first the water is cold, but then you get used to it and you're glad you did it. Why don't we say sorry when we should? Because it smarts. It feels like you're admitting failure. Instead take the "learning experience" approach. You're apologizing and learning.
4. Make It a Habit. The more you train yourself to swallow your pride, be vulnerable, and give a genuine apology when appropriate, the easier it will get. Just do it!
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